I went with Weirdo and his sister on the third day. Weirdo entered a project into a science competition, and the judging was done so we could see how he placed. I asked Weirdo what his project was. He told me some things are better seen that heard, and refused to tell me.
Uncle Jake drove us there in his RV. The county fair was always in a big field where no grass will grow because of the fair each summer. So the road leading to the fair and the entire parking lot was filled with pot holes that the RV bounced through. It bounced so hard all the cabinets opened up and all of Uncle Jake’s stuff came tumbling out.
“Oh come on guys!” Uncle Jake yelled over his shoulder. “I told you to hold those cabinets shut.”
“No you didn’t.”
“I told you using telekinesis, dope. You know that works, Weirdo. You’re a believer still, aren’t you?”
Weirdo looked ashamed and apologized to Uncle Jake.
A big dust cloud floated in the parking lot because of all the cars driving over bare dirt. We drove through the dust to the far end of the lot, which is where they made all the RV’s park. We got out of the RV and looked upon the sea of parked cars we had to walk through to get to the fair gates.
The dust clouds covered every car with dirt, making them all look the same. Weirdo suggested that we mark X’s in the dust on every car we pass, so it would mark a trail back to the RV in case we got lost.
Uncle Jake said it was a silly idea, because it’s so easy to locate the coolest RV in the lot. We all looked back to where the RV’s were parked. Uncle Jake spray-painted flames on the sides of his, and mounted three black flags above the windshield. One flag said “Rock,” the middle one said “n” and the last flag said “Roll.”
It wasn’t the coolest RV in the lot, but we all agreed that it was the easiest to find. So Weirdo stopped marking X’s on the cars and tried to wipe his dirty finger on me.
* * * * *
We finally made it inside the fair and Uncle Jake took off for a hot dog stand, leaving the three of us by ourselves. We were happy to be in a public place without an adult for the first time all summer.
Weirdo wanted our first stop to be the science building so we could see if he won a ribbon. We made our way past the crafts building and the farming building. Then we came by my favorite building, which was where all the local businesses set up booths and handed out all sorts of free stuff.
Weirdo waved his hand at that building and said how he would hit it up for stuff later in the day.
“Last year I filled two grocery bags with free stuff. I made a list that I memorized and still remember.”
I didn’t care to hear it.
“I had 16 key chains, 33 writing instruments, which are comprised of 14 pencils, 15 pens and box of four crayons: red, blue, yellow and green. I also got 2 rulers, 4 notepads, a frisbee, 9 peppermint candies and a ton of full color brochures.”
“Are you done?”
“No, those were just the highlights. I guess I can tell you the other stuff later.”
* * * * *
We came to the science building and Weirdo ran ahead of us to find his. When we found him he was standing looking at a red ribbon and shaking his head.
“Can you believe this? A red ribbon.”
“What’s wrong with red? You got a ribbon didn’t you?”
“Red is second place. I wanted the blue ribbon. I was sure that I’d win this year.”
Weirdo showed me his project. It was a white poster board covered with pictures, arrows and paragraphs describing how a light bulb works. He did a good job on it.
He led us to the exhibit that won the blue ribbon. It was a huge display of Happy Meal toys. Weirdo pointed at it and wrinkled his brow.
“Every Happy Meal toy since 1984. Each one accompanied by commentary, date of release and the day he ate the Happy Meal. I guess if I have to lose to something, I’d want to lose to this. This is amazing.”
Weirdo shook it off and we went outside to play some carnival games. We ran into Uncle Jake who pulled us aside.
“Listen guys. One of these carnies lost a finger and it ended up in my hot dog bun.”
Weirdo’s sister gagged a little.
“Keep your eyes peeled for a carnie missing a finger. If you find him tell him that you know who has his finger.”
We silently nodded our heads. I hoped we would not come across any one fingered carnies. I knew that most of them were missing teeth, hair and perhaps a few marbles, but I don’t think I ever saw one with missing body parts before.
Weirdo’s sister suddenly squealed and pointed to one of the game tents. She led us to a small animal pen with a low wooden fence around it. Inside the fence were about twenty white rabbits hopping around. There were kids trying to throw hoops around the rabbits.
Weirdo’s sister handed over her tickets to the carnie lady and asked how to play.
“You throw one of them there rings round a rabbit and you take the cotton pickin’ thing home with you.”
Weirdo and I handed over tickets to play also. We stood around the pen tossing rings at the rabbits. Weirdo and his sister missed every time, but on my last throw I ringed a rabbit.
The carnie lady reached in and pulled the rabbit out by the skin on the back of its neck. She tossed it in a big cardboard box and handed it to me.
“Water this thing a few times a day and give it rabbit food when it’s hungry.”
“How do I know when it’s hungry?”
“When you hear its stomach growl, Einstein.”
Weirdo’s sister squealed and said, “You won!” about fifty times. I picked the rabbit up out of the box and looked at it. It was pretty cute, and soft to pet. Then I thought about my parents.
“Oh no. I can’t keep this rabbit. My parents would never let me keep it.”
I asked the carnie lady if I could give the rabbit back because my parents wouldn’t let me have it.
“You should’a thought of that before you threw a ring round its neck. You win it, you keep it. Er, uh, what you kids call it? Oh yeah, no tag backs.”
The lady laughed and showed us her crooked brown teeth. We walked away from the game tent with my new rabbit. I knew Weirdo’s sister wanted to win a rabbit real badly, so I offered it to her.
“Are you serious? I can keep him? Oh thank you!”
She picked it up and held its nose to her nose.
“Oh my god! He has little brown spots on its nose, how cute! I think I’ll name him Speckles.”
She carried the rabbit in her arms and pet it while I carried the empty box. Weirdo wanted to go on some rides so we headed towards them. We got in the line for the Tilt-a-Whirl, which was our favorite.
* * * * *
The carnie who was taking tickets for the ride found a reason to not let most kids ride.
“You, you’re too short. You’ll fly out and get killed. You, you’re too fat. You need two tickets. Do you have two tickets? No? Then get out of line. You, you’re too tall. You could get your head chopped off.”
I felt bad for all the kids who didn’t get to ride, but at least the line moved a lot faster. We wondered if the carnie would find any reason for not letting us ride. When we got the front of the line he looked us over.
“What’s that you have there?”
“He’s a bunny.”
“You can’t carry a rodent on this ride. It could fly out of your arms and get stuck in the gears.”
“Oh please, let me on with him. I’ll hold on really tight.”
“Girl, I lost my patience three hours ago. If you ask me one more time to let that thing on the ride, I’m going to take it and throw it back in the pen you won it from. You got it? Now get out of line.”
We walked away from the ride with our heads low. Weirdo and his sister began to argue.
“I’m not gonna miss all my fun just because of your new pet.”
“You heard what the man said. He was going to take my rabbit away.”
“Then don’t go on the ride. Just sit on the bench while we go.”
“No, you can’t leave me alone. You know that Mom said we have to stick together.”
Weirdo put his hands on his hips and sighed.
“I guess I’ll just have to wait for tomorrow to ride it.”
He kicked at some dirt on the ground and stuck his tongue out at the rabbit. I had an idea.
“Hey, why don’t we just put the rabbit in the box and hide it around the corner so nobody will take it?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Then my sister won’t have to act like a baby who’s scared to leave her teddy bear.”
Weirdo’s sister made a face at him then reluctantly agreed to hide the rabbit in the box somewhere out of sight. We put the box behind a ticket booth that was nearby and out of the way. Nobody would walk behind there, so it seemed like a safe place.
We got back in line for the Tilt-a-Whirl and listened to the carnie yell out the reasons why most the kids couldn’t ride.
“You, you look too scared. I don’t want to clean up your puke, so you can’t ride.”
We came to the front of the line and he shut the gate. The ride was full and we would have to wait for the next turn. I looked at the carnie and noticed something. I tapped Weirdo on the shoulder.
“Look at the guy’s hand.”
“Only four fingers?”
“Yeah.”
We looked at each other. Then Weirdo got the carnie’s attention.
“Hey mister, I know who has your finger.”
One of the carnie’s eyebrows went really high, and the other went low as he looked at Weirdo.
“What’d you say? You playin’ a joke on me?”
“No. I know who has your finger. I do.”
“Kid, that’s stupid talk. I know exactly where my finger is.”
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded up handkerchief. We stepped back quickly and stared at the handkerchief. Did he really have his finger in his back pocket? I didn’t want to see it.
The carnie shook out the handkerchief and blew his nose.
“After it got cutted off, I donated it to sci-ence.”
He said science like it was two words. I guess it sounded more special that way. We were relieved that he was not going to show us his severed finger. Weirdo scratched his head.
“I’m sorry, mister. I had you confused with someone else.”
The carnie stopped the ride and told everybody on it to get the hell off. Then he opened the gate for us to get on. I gave him my ticket, and then Weirdo and his sister handed over their tickets. We climbed the steps and got on the ride.
Other kids handed over their tickets and scrambled around finding open seats. The carnie closed the gate and Weirdo shouted to him.
“Hey, do you know anybody else around here missing a finger?”
“Yeah! You will be if you don’t keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times!”
With that he pressed a button and the ride spun us around so terribly that we all wished we hadn’t gotten on the ride at all. But when the ride was over we ran back in line for one more ride.
* * * * *
After our second ride was finished we went over to where we left Speckles. The box was still there, but the rabbit was not. Weirdo’s sister burst into tears. Weirdo put his arm around her.
“It’s okay sis. It was just meant to be. A rabbit is much happier hopping around a carnival eating garbage and getting chased by hungry carnies.”
She cried harder. I asked her if a funnel cake would make her feel better. She cried no and ran over to an empty porta-potty and locked herself in. Weirdo and I shrugged our shoulders and bought two funnel cakes.
We sat down to eat them at a picnic table nearby. My funnel cake was covered with chocolate syrup, and Weirdo ordered his with cinnamon and sugar. We were halfway done with them when I noticed an empty box nearby. I could see two white ears poking out the top. I pointed it out to Weirdo. Weirdo tried to talk with his mouth full.
“Whoth ith it?”
“I don’t know, but swallow your food before you talk. You just spit funnel cake on my cheek.”
“Thorry.”
We watched the box for a long time to see if anybody was coming back for it. Finally we decided that somebody must have left it there because they didn’t want it. I walked over to it and picked the rabbit up. It wasn’t Speckles, because there were no brown spots on its nose.
“Watch this.”
Weirdo wiped some cinnamon off the funnel cake with his finger and tapped the rabbit on the nose. It sneezed like crazy. But when it was done there was still some cinnamon left and it looked like the brown spots on Speckles.
Weirdo’s sister came running up.
“You found him! Oh thank you, oh thank you!”
She took the rabbit from me and hugged it. Then she kissed it on the nose and all the cinnamon came off. Weirdo and I held our breath.
“Oh my god, that was the sweetest little rabbit kiss ever. Oh, would you look at that! I kissed the speckles right off him. That is so cute!”
Weirdo’s sister was happy again and we decided that was enough excitement for one day at the fair. Anyway, it was time to meet Uncle Jake back at his RV. As we were walking away I heard a little boy crying. I trailed behind Wierdo and his sister to see what the boy was crying about.
“I left Hopsy right here in his box. Daddy, Hopsy is missing!”
I felt awful. I stole a little boy’s pet rabbit. Who could do such a thing? I had to console myself by telling myself that the little boy might find the real Speckles hopping around somewhere. Besides, I reasoned, the little kid would have probably killed the rabbit in a week by not taking proper care of it. Then he’d be really heartbroken. So in the end, I guess I helped him out. At least that’s what I convinced myself of.
I ran to catch up with the others and decided that I wouldn’t tell Weirdo about the little kid. I didn’t want Weirdo getting weird about it.
* * * * *
We finally made it through the dust clouds to Uncle Jake’s RV. He was sitting on the dusty hood with some girl he met inside the fair. It turned out she was a carnie, but she had all her fingers and teeth.
Uncle Jake kissed her on the cheek and she handed him a little piece of paper before running off towards the fair. We all got in the RV and headed home.
When we got to Weirdo’s house his sister ran inside to show their parents the rabbit. We stayed outside and played basketball with Uncle Jake, which was never fun, but it was something to do. Five minutes later Weirdo’s sister came out crying and squeezing the rabbit.
“They said I can’t keep him.”
She held the rabbit out to Uncle Jake.
“Can you keep him in your RV? I promise that I’ll feed him and take him for walks. All you have to do is make a space for him.”
“Are you kidding? What would my girlfriend think if I had a rabbit living in my pad?”
Weirdo asked if that carnie girl he met was already his girlfriend.
“No, but I don’t need to ruin my chances with her by rooming with a wild animal.”
“But we can’t bring him back to the fair because the carnies at the game won’t take him back. I can’t just let him go wild, some dog will kill him. What are we going to do?”
She sat and soaked the back of her rabbit with tears. Weirdo was coming up with all sorts of ideas for what to do with the rabbit.
“We could donate it to a farm, or we could send it to poor kids in Africa as a pet. Oh, I know! We could cut its feet off for lucky rabbit feet.”
Weirdo’s sister cried harder. I wondered if there was a way we could find that little kid at the fair who we took it from. Then I had a great idea.
“Hey guys, remember the carnie at the Tilt-a-Whirl? He said if we tried to get on the ride with the rabbit he was going to throw it back in the pen.”
Weirdo’s sister’s eyes lit up.
“Yeah! That would make me feel so much better.”
* * * * *
Uncle Jake let the rabbit stay in his RV for one night, since he didn’t plan on having any chicks over that night. The next day we all rode in the RV to the fair again.
We bought a few tickets for rides and went directly to the Tilt-a-Whirl. The same one-fingered carnie was there again, yelling at everybody and making up reasons for why they couldn’t ride. When it was our turn he looked at us and shook his head back and forth with a frown.
“What did I tell you kids? Tryin’ to take a rabbit on my ride two days in a row! What, are you stupid?”
He grabbed the rabbit from us and marched over to the pen where the other rabbits were. He threw the rabbit in. It landed on its feet but it rolled with the momentum a couple times. Weirdo’s sister flinched when she saw that, but the rabbit seemed to be fine from where we were standing. My plan had worked.
The carnie came back and looked us over, looking for a reason why we couldn’t ride. He must have figured the loss of the rabbit was punishment enough so he let us on. When the ride was over Weirdo’s sister thanked me.
We exited the ride and Weirdo wanted to go get his light bulb project to take home. We walked to the science building and down the row where his exhibit was. Instead of a red ribbon, there was now a blue ribbon on the corner of his project.
“Wow, a blue ribbon! I can’t believe it. The judges must have changed their mind! I knew it was a winner.”
We walked over to where the Happy Meal toy exhibit was and noticed there was no ribbon at all on it. Instead there was a paper taped to the bottom of it. Weirdo picked it up and read it.
“Upon further inspection of this exhibit the judges discovered that many of the Happy Meal purchase dates where falsified, and that many of the toys were purchased at garage sales. Therefore this entry is disqualified from judging.”
Weirdo shook his head slowly.
“I knew it was too good to be true. How could a kid have collected every toy from every series? I get the same darn toy every time I go.”
Weirdo took the blue ribbon from his light bulb exhibit and pinned it to his shirt. We started walking out of the fair towards the parking lot. Weirdo’s sister frowned as we walked.
“I’m glad that Speckles is safe and someone may win him to take home, but I’m still sad that I don’t get to keep him. I wish I didn’t have to give him back.”
* * * * *
I thought about the little boy and his rabbit. I still felt horrible, especially since Weirdo’s sister didn’t even get to keep it. The thought of telling her that it wasn’t really Speckles that I found occurred to me. I decided to pose a question to her.
“What would make you feel worse, having Speckles for a day and then give him back, or never finding him at all after you lost him?”
She stopped walking and thought about it for a minute.
“I guess I’m glad that I got to keep him for one night. Because if you never found him last night I would have been a wreck for weeks!”
That was the answer I hoped for. I never wanted to tell anybody that I stole a rabbit from a little boy.
We passed out of the fair into the parking lot and I heard a man talking to his son.
“See, Benny? I told you we could come back today and win another one.”
I turned around and saw the little boy from the day before with a big cardboard box and a huge grin.
“Yeah, and he even looks just like Hopsy did.”
I couldn’t believe it. Happy endings never happen that perfectly. I was about to whisper what happened to Weirdo when we heard a woman yelling behind us. We turned and saw Uncle Jake trying to block punches from the carnie girl he kissed the day before.
“You lying creep! I can’t believe you! Don’t even think about calling me!”
She tried hitting him more as he ran towards us.
“Go! Run away! She’s coming! C’mon, let’s go!”
We turned and ran with Uncle Jake to the RV. I looked over my shoulder and saw the carnie girl chasing us. We jumped in the RV and locked the doors. Uncle Jake started it up and peeled away. The carnie girl stood in the middle of the parking lot shaking her fist and yelling things we couldn’t hear.
“Uncle Jake, what happened?”
Uncle Jake shook his head and wouldn’t say a word. Weirdo asked again.
“What the heck did you do to make her so mad?”
Again, Uncle Jake shook his head quietly. At the next stop sign he turned around and faced us.
“Kids, never trust a carnie.”
I never have since.
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