Most kids rode the bus in the morning and in the afternoon. Not Weirdo. He rode the bus only in the afternoon, on the way home. Nobody knew his real name. We just called him Weirdo, and he let us.
Kids on the bus asked him, “Are you a dork?”
Weirdo always replied, “I guess I am if you say I am.”
“Are you a nerd?”
“I guess I am if you say I am.”
“Do you eat diapers for breakfast?”
“I guess I do if you say I do.”
I even tried it a couple times. It was fun.
I remember him always wearing sweaters. Really fuzzy sweaters. Even on those hot days when everybody is practically stripped down to their underwear on the bus ride home.
No matter how many people rode the bus, Weirdo was somehow the only kid sitting alone. It was a mystery. Nine kids would sometimes pile into one seat just so someone wouldn’t have to sit with the him.
It may have been a sin to sit with him, but it was golden to be close enough to watch him be weird.
* * * * *
One day I watched him rubbing chalk on his sweater.
“85, 86, 87, 88,” rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, "93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98...”
"What are you counting?"
“My mom won't let us have tootsie roll pops in the house because my sister has braces. So I'm seeing how many rubs it takes to get to the center of a piece of chalk.”
Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub.
"How many so far?”
Rub, rub, rub, rub, "Dang it. I was at 103 until you distracted me."
Weirdo threw the piece of chalk onto the floor of the bus and said, "The world may never know."
Soon the bus stopped in front of a house with underwear on the clothesline in the front yard. Weirdo got off the bus and ran inside.
* * * * *
One day I was reading a comic book on the bus ride home. Suddenly Weirdo’s face was in mine.
“Did you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“Never mind.”
Weirdo hopped back into his seat across the aisle. I turned back to my comic.
“Did you feel that?”
He was in my face again.
“Feel what?”
“Hmmm, I guess I have to practice on my dog some when I get home.”
“Practice what?”
“Telekinesis. I was trying to tap you on the shoulder with my mind. Uncle Jake can press the snooze button on his alarm clock with telekinesis. He can turn the TV on with it too. He even says he can plunge the toilet with his mind, but I've never seen him do that. I once lifted a dish off the counter with telekinesis but I dropped it on the floor when I remembered I had to call my Aunt Betsy. It broke when it hit the counter and my mom said I couldn't do telekinesis any more. So don't tell her I'm taking it back up. OK? Do you have a dog? I know how a light bulb works.”
I thought I might cry.
“It’s really quite simple. At the base there are two metal contacts that make contact with the ends of an electrical circuit. Those are attached to a little wire called a filament. That’s held up by a little glass column or something.”
Kids in other seats felt bad for me.
“Then they fill the light bulb with Argon. When it’s plugged in, electrons move up into the filament and bump into all the...”
"Give it a break, Weirdo," the bus driver shouted.
“We're almost to your stop.” I saw a bunch of underwear down the street.
“Oh yeah. Here we are! Mexican Lasagna for dinner tonight. See ya later.”
When I got home I tried to turn the TV on just by using my brain. I had to stop because it was giving me a headache.
© 2007, Jeffrey A. Pierce
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1 comment:
Very cute. I am already in love with "weirdo" (from a distance ofcourse). In real life that kid would drive me insane. Nice work Jeff. Is this a part of your children's book series?
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