Almost everyday on the bus ride home from school we saw a man riding his bicycle down the street. Even on warm days he wore a stocking cap, thick jacket, pants, boots, gloves, scarf, a fleece band over his ears and big dark sunglasses.
Everybody, including me, would make fun of him. Weirdo, on the other hand, always said that we shouldn’t make fun of him. One day I asked him why not.
“Because I don’t think it’s a very nice thing to do.”
It seemed so strange to me that someone wouldn’t want to make fun of that guy. Even if he didn’t dress like an Eskimo, his bike had crazy stickers and flags all over it. There were streamers coming out the ends of the handlebars and two big baskets on each side of the back tire, usually filled with flattened soda cans.
“Oh come on, Weirdo. That guy is a nut. What’s wrong with saying so?”
“I just don’t think it’s a very nice thing to do.”
* * * * *
One evening I walked to Weirdo’s house and saw a very familiar bicycle parked outside his house. There were stickers and flags all over it, and two big baskets on the back tire.
I rang Weirdo’s doorbell and he let me inside.
“Come on. My Uncle Luis is here. You have to meet him.”
I was just about to ask Weirdo why that crazy guy’s bike was parked out front when we walked into the living room and I saw him sitting on the couch. Weirdo’s parents were there too, and his mom said to me, “Have you met Weirdo’s Uncle Luis yet?”
I quietly said no. I couldn’t believe this was Weirdo’s uncle. There sat the crazy man with the bike. Even though we were inside, and it was seventy-seven degrees outside, he still wore all his winter clothes. The only thing that he took off was his sunglasses. His eyes and the skin around his eyes was all red. He leaned forward and shook my hand with his big gloved hand.
“So Weirdo was just telling us how you and all the other boys on the bus make fun of me each day.”
I looked at Weirdo. Weirdo nodded his head up and down cheerily.
“Yeah, tell my Unlce Luis some of the things you all call him. He’ll laugh. He really thinks it’s funny.”
Everybody giggled and laughed quietly. My face felt hot and I started feeling dizzy. I sat down in a chair across the room and tried to disappear. Everybody stared at me. I tried deflect the attention by pointing at Weirdo’s dad and saying, “Weirdo says that he is missing brains.”
The room became very quiet. Weirdo’s dad sighed.
“Actually, yes, I am missing some brains. I had a tumor many years ago and the doctors had to remove some of my brain to get it out.”
Weirdo’s mom shifted in her seat and said, “That’s right, and it’s not something we talk about lightly. It was a very scary time in our family and I’m sure that Weirdo told you because he thought he could trust you not to make a joke out of it.”
Now I really wanted to disappear. I got up and left. Weirdo met me outside and me how I liked his Uncle Luis.
“Why didn’t you tell me that was your uncle?”
“What difference would that make?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have made fun of him if I knew he was your uncle.”
“My dad always says, ‘Even monkeys have uncles.’”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you never know who you're making fun of. So you shouldn’t do it at all.”
"And monkeys have uncles?"
“Sure. But only on their mom’s side. Because monkeys don’t get married like we do.”
“But my cousin Benny is an only child. He won’t ever be an uncle.”
Weirdo scratched his head for a moment.
“Hold on. Let me go ask my dad about that one.”
Weirdo came back a minute later nodding his head.
“Yeah. My dad says it’s okay to make fun of your cousin Benny.”
It made me feel better, so I told Weirdo that my cousin Benny had three nipples.
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